GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize