the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
