Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
