Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The power of my boobs compel you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
