Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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