And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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