i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
