You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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