Yo dont text me then not text me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
