I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
