The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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