My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize