that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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