it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
