If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
