you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
