My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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