yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she looked like the before picture.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nutella sex= disaster
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
