i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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