how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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