Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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