It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
