I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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