I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
