his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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