Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
