my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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