I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
