Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
