How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We have started to decorate penises.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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