I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
