it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
