she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
