put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
