her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
