Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
