I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish I only lived at night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
