My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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