can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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