Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
