when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
