don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
two words: eviction party
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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