Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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