It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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