Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
