Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
