Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
