She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
