You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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