i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
