believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
