What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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