I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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