I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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