im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize