well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
