i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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