And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
