oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
