I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
