When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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