just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
