Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
