You're so nebulous sometimes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
